Sorry for the late arrival of tonights post, I had penned one on fitness and exercise but instead felt the need to post something a little more personal instead because right not I’m sure if I should or in fact can keep on posting.
Now this post isn’t a cue for violins to be played, for a chorus of please don’t stops or for sympathy, it is exactly what a blog should be; an outlet for my current thoughts. I think somewhere along the way, some of the realness has been lost from blogging. When I started my little corner of the internet I had dreams and aspirations of becoming a Carrie Bradshaw style writer, famed for my honesty and realness.
I still have those dreams, but I must admit they no longer feel as achievable as they did almost three years ago.
The reason that I have been pondering the future of my site isn’t because I no longer love what I do, far from it in fact, but it is because I’m starting to feel as though others have lost their love for it. I’ve started to feel as though it has began driving a wedge into my friendships and relationships as others realise that it will most likely be a hobby and one that requires a hell of a lot of time and attention from me.
I’ve started to feel as though fewer and fewer people understand why I do what I do, why I love pouring my heart and soul out online and that fewer and fewer people support what I choose to do.
I have only ever had one goal in life; to be successful in everything that I do.
I want to be successful in my career, a career that is right now taking me in a completely different direction to the one that I had envisage it going. I want to be a girlfriend, friend and daughter that can be relied on, that makes people proud and that brings a smile to the faces of others.
But right now I don’t feel successful at all.
I feel as though I frustrate everyone around me, I feel as though my site has suffered as I have concentrated more on my career and as though I no longer make those closest to me happy. I guess you could say that I have started to feel like a failure.
And I can’t help but sometimes feel that it is the time I dedicate to my own little corner of the internet that has caused me to feel like this, that has started to disappoint others and lead them to feel unhappy with me. I know that something needs to change and I don’t want to change the people around me so it must be me that needs to change.
But is giving up something that I truly love and look forward to the change I must make?
I’ve always thought that the future was bright for my little site, that it would be here for a long time to come, but maybe all good things come to an end.
I really hope that this isn’t goodbye from me, but if it is please just know I’ve loved every minute of it x
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