Confidence seems to have been high on the agenda recently; be it body
confidence or self confidence and that got me thinking about how I’ve always
had a shaky relationship with it to say the least…
I can remember from a young age I challenged ‘the norm’. Don’t get me
wrong I liked all of the things that little girls tend to do and that it is
socially seen that they should. I had my dolls, my teddies, my a la carte
kitchen and so on but I always had a fascination with cars and had an amazing
collection of toy ones that I would race and take care of. I loved to construct
things and was massively into K’nex as I grew up, fashioning the components
into ferris wheels and cars whilst most of my friends were playing with Fashion
Wheels & keeping secret diaries.
When I was in Primary School I can remember getting to go to a Football
Camp for a week, I don’t know how I found out about it and no doubt I begged my
mum to go to it but I won Player of the Week and was awarded a shiny little
trophy to acknowledge my achievement. I went on from there to play for a few of
the junior teams with Leeds Ladies. I loved it. It was a great way to build my
confidence, and having been told I couldn’t play for the school teams because I
was a girl I finally felt that I was getting to do something that I wanted to
and where I fitted in. When I had the ball at my feet I felt like I could do
anything, even bend it like Beckham (believe me I couldn’t do but I spent hours
trying). Hell if I’d stuck at it who knows, I could have been a World Cup
Semi-Finalist by now!
But by the time I was well into High School I once again noticed that I
didn’t fit in, I was a real tomboy and was more interested in music and sports
than boys and makeup. I wasn’t particularly academic and I was always the quiet
one. School was really hard for me anyway, without being the outcast and all
the hassle that came with it. So by the time I left school I had little
confidence in myself, my capabilities and my aspirations. I had always wanted
to be a writer, to work in the media and share my thoughts with the world but I
continued to follow the route that other felt I should take.
I started blogging 3 years ago, but I gave it up because I didn’t have
the confidence to get out there and shout about what I was doing.
As women we’re often told what we should be, what we should do, wear,
say and what we shouldn’t.
But why should we do as we’re told, why should we do what we want to do,
be who we want to be?
I know that it is still often thought that girls shouldn’t lift in the
gym, but why shouldn’t we? I love the fact that I can look in the mirror during
a Body Pump class and see guys behind me with a lower weight bar than me. It’s
such a great feeling of empowerment and self-satisfaction.
Even though I do train hard, I’m still not 100% happy with the way I
look and I have body hang ups like everyone else – I often have days where I
hate my hair, see those tiny little frown lines as dirty great big crevices,
feel like a heffalump and generally want to beat myself up for net being ‘perfect’.
But life isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being happy. So on those days
(normally after beating myself up a bit and having a little cry) I tie my hair
up (instant fix), throw on my favourite makeup, put on some baggy jeans and a
slouchy top and face the world head on. I do everything I can to make myself
feel more confident and get out there, there’s no time for self pity in this
lie we just have to get on with it.
People often find it hard to understand that I have body confidence
issues, after all I’m classed as petite by most brands and sit somewhere
between a size 8 & 10. But I would always like to be a little lighter, a
little bit more toned. Why can’t those of us who are smaller than your average
girl strive to improve ourselves as well? Why should we settle for what we
have? Life is full of hurdles and challenges, and it’s how we approach
these that define who we are.
I’m so glad I got back into blogging and that I managed to muster the
confidence to get in front of the camera, hopefully you might start seeing more
from me quite soon.
So next time you’re told you can’t do that, ask why, challenge the world
and have confidence in yourself to do what you want to do. The sky’s the limit
girls, I’ll see you again soon, until then though x
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