I like to think that I’m a nice person. I prefer to spread joy and happiness as opposed to negativity and doubt, I’m supportive and dependable and I’m also fairly generous when it comes to compliments too. But there’s one person that I’m not a nice person to; me.
Yes, you read that right, I’m generally quite unkind to myself when I think about it.
I am my own worst enemy and constantly beat myself up over things, telling myself I’m ‘not good enough’ that I’m ‘a failure’ and that I’ve ‘messed’ things up. I don’t really know why I do it to myself, I wouldn’t dream of having some of the internal conversations I have with myself, out loud with another human being.
And I’m bored of it.
I’m bored of feeling unmotivated to better myself because I’m scared that I will fail and have to have that conversation with myself. I’m bored of feeling uneasy in my own company in case that voice inside my head decides to pipe up and tell me I’m on my own because nobody likes me.
So I have decided that I need to overcome that voice and those conversations and be as a nice a person to myself, as I feel I am to others.
I may not be physically strong right now but I know that I can be, I may not be the most flexible yogi but I know that I could be and I may not be the sassiest but I know that that just isn’t me… I’m accepting that things aren’t perfect, but that they could be better if I try.
All too often these days, influencers pretend. There are countless bloggers and vloggers out there that everything is fine because ‘thats what people expect’, hell I’ve even know some ‘fake’ not being OK because it’s ‘relatable’. But how relatable are you if you’re pretending to have a bad day, just so that you get a few more likes on Instagram? Are you really being kind to yourself if you have to pretend to be something you’re not in order to fit in and feel validated?
Personally, I think not.
Instead I want to be grateful everyday and I’ve started to end each day on a high and noting down just one thing that I have achieved that day, or one thing that I am grateful for. Getting into bed, thinking about that ‘highlight’ instead of scrolling through the news, or the latest drama on Twitter has left me feeling much more content. It allows be to see the good in everyday and to (metaphorically) pat myself on the back every night.
And these ‘highlights’ can help when I feel low too.
Looking back over the good times can help me to recognise that one bad day is no big deal, that really I’m not all these bad things I like to tell myself that I am. We all have times when we feel low and turning ourselves around can feel impossible, but we really are the masters of our own thoughts and if we don’t want to think about something, then we don’t have to. Instead we can turn our attention to anything we please, and if that is the fact that you managed to clean the house one day last week so be it.
I’m pretty certain that I sound like a real idealist when I say
shit things like this, but one of my biggest goals over the coming months is to be truly, madly, deeply (thanks Savage Garden) happy, the type of happy that makes your eyes sparkle and your skin glow.
To achieve that I know I know that I need to work on the relationship I have with myself, I need to put the effort into making it a good one.
I’m not often one for shouting up or speaking out about things, but I can’t help but feel that by bottling things up I’m part of the problem. Why are we afraid to share what is really going on in our lives? Why do feel the need to filter and fake in order to gain acceptance?
If you’re having a great day share it, if you’re having a shit one share that too – because the more we talk about our thoughts, feelings and emotions, the sooner we will realise that we all feel the same from time-to-time and that destructive voice will learn that we are nice, successful, happy people.
Even to ourselves.
Are you as kind to yourself as you are to others?
Let me know below and I’ll catch up with you again soon, until then though x
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