Looking After Number One

Somedays I can’t believe that I have been on this planet for as long as I actually have, I still feel like such a newbie at life. Over the years I have learned many things; how to nail a throw-in in football, how to do my eyebrows and how to change a tyre to name just a few, but self love still fails me to this day.

Today is my 12466th day on planet earth, that’s a pretty epic thought right?

That’s 1780 weeks and 6 days or 34 years and 42 days (including 9 leap days), so you would have thought that I would have learnt to treat myself right by now. Wrong, and I think that self love is something that we all struggle with daily.

It’s 2018, why do we still struggle with this?

We are constantly told by the media that we are too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, we’re not wearing enough clothes, we’re wearing too many layers, we look too sexy, we look too frumpy … THE LIST IS ENDLESS AND THE MEDIA NEED TO SHUT THE ‘F’ UP.

I’m sure as a child you were taught the mantra of ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’ when times were tough, I know I was, but in reality words hurt more. Physical wounds heal (like those caused by riding your BMX off the raised patio in the garden, just me?), but the deep scars caused by words may never heal.

We cannot control what other people say about us, but what we can control is what we say about ourselves. I am so self-critical and it is something that many people have noticed about me in the past and I think being self-critical can be one of the most empowering character traits to have, but it can also be one of the most hurtful ones too.

I am more than willing to tell myself I am a failure when I don’t meet a target or a deadline, yet I would never even dream of saying that to anyone else. Why? Because I would try and build them back up if they were struggling, not break them down even further,

Being this self-critical often opens the door to self-doubt, to the daemon that is comparison and a real lack of any for of self love. Whilst I haven’t mastered self love yet in my time on this planet, I have learnt that in order to be happy you need to be the master of your thoughts and to shut out those abusive thoughts when they try to break you down.

In theory I should be really good at self love; I am not afraid of my own company, as an only child I am used to spending time with myself, I am comfortable with myself (to an extent) and yet I fear those moments that I am left on my own more than any other. I end up beating myself up over things, berating myself and rarely feel better for time on my own.

And that needs to change.

For the past few years I have been obsessed with having a healthy body, to have those insta perfect abs and legs that go up to my armpits (which at 5ft 2ins I am never going to have). At times I have achieved  those aesthetic goals and for short periods of time I have felt a-maz-ing. But my mindset has never changed, I have never truly seen an improvement which means to me I always fail. 

Unless I can change my mind set I will be caught in this vicious cycle forever.

And I really don’t want to be. I used to mask the things I was most insecure about … in my teens I would swear my nail extensions because one thing I was most insecure about back then was my stubby little fingers, in my 20’s I had botox, fillers and hair extensions and yet in my 30’s I am totally happy to embrace all of these things and now if I want to change something, I will work for it. Because all of those things covered up a problem I had with myself, they didn’t fix it.

I am opening up about my issues with self love because I am fairly certain some of you might feel the same.

Life would be boring if we were all the same (I am becoming that cliche blogger again I know, but bear with me) and I am not saying that you need to ditch the extensions and botox to be happy, I’m just saying that ditching those things has made me happier because it has made me focus on what’s inside.

So I am renewing my 2018 commitment to look after myself a little bit more, starting with what is on the inside, because that will transform what is on the outside too.

What does self love mean to you? What are your favourite self love tips & tricks?

Let me know below and I’ll catch up with you again soon, until then though x

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